Hi ladies

[Cassie Avila]

Hiii! My name is Cassie Avila, I’m 26 years old and married to a commercial fisherman (Alex). We live on Cape Cod with our almost 1 year old daughter Remington and our black lab Benelli. My husband comes from a portuguese fishing family, so he has fished his entire life. He is a offshore lobsterman for the Eagle which fishes out of New Bedford. When he is home (which is so rare anyway!!) he scallops out of P-town. We also own our own own commercial boat in Sandwich. I’m a nurse and have an eyelash extension salon.

We met in December 2021, got engaged the following December, eloped in April and had Remi August 2022. We met on a dating app and I had no intentions of ever getting married or having kids. I was super career focused and that was just not my ideal plan. We fell soooo deeply in love so quick I never saw it coming. At first I loved that he was always away, it gave me the independence I was so used to while enjoying him while he was home. I had a high risk pregnancy that I went through essentially alone while he was offshore. He was home for the birth and left a few days after. I will be forever thankful he was there for those first few days. As I am writing this he is offshore and our daughter’s first birthday is on Saturday, he will miss it. Unexpectedly and I am also embarrassed also to admit that this upsets me soooo much. I know she will not remember this day or that he wasn’t there, but it’s a moment in time that I really wanted to share with him. The baby and I recently had COVID. This sent me over the edge. Being alone at home, sooo sick myself with a very sick baby, nobody able to come help us and he was 300 miles offshore. On top of that his satellite phone broke last trip so we aren’t able to communicate with him at the moment.

I know I just vented and probably sounded super negative but don’t get me wrong- I also love this lifestyle and am soooooo proud of it. Looking forward to connecting with other woman who understand it all~~

[Megan Waldrep]

Hey, Cassie! So happy to have you here – a safe space to vent with those who will not judge you for it! What you’ve been through is incredible, and your feelings are valid. It’s not an easy life in general. Then add COVID to the mix for you and your baby, and that would send anyone over the edge. I’d love to hear what our POCF moms have to say. The first thing I thought of is talking to your fisherman next time he’s in town to figure out a new system. I know it can feel like there isn’t any wiggle room, but if you’re able to express your feelings and needs, I’m sure there’s a solution in there, even if it’s a tiny adjustment. Life is definitely different with a baby in tow, so this would make sense and isn’t coming out of nowhere, you know?

Also, what kind of support do you have at home right now? Do you have family, friends, or friendly neighbors you can lean on from time to time? Many of my moms-friends say they wish they had accepted help or asked for help more when their kids were younger. You don’t need to feel bad about it, either. As a woman without kids, I’d be happy to help my friend out for a few hours if she needs time to herself. Believe me; we want our female friends not to feel so alone! Sometimes, we don’t know how to help, but if there were a request, we’d understand where we can step in and show our love. Take a survey of those around you. Maybe there are people you can rotate to reach out to once a week (or more). Look around at your sweet baby’s birthday this weekend and take inventory of the love surrounding you and ask someone if they can watch her for a few hours next week if that would be helpful for you. Go grab a coffee by yourself, or lay down and take a nap! You are loved. Sometimes people just need to know how to show it.  Sending you all the support I can. I hope this is helpful. Please keep us posted! We are here for you!

[Jennie Logsdon-Martin]

Hi Cassie! I totally understand your disappointment about Remis birthday. Wow.

isn’t it strange how we can be so much in love and yet be so disappointed in some aspects if this life at the same time? This is the exact reason I want to be here. People that I really understand…

 

This is the exact reason I want to be here. People that I really understand…

 

You sound so much like me in that way. I am not used to this life or they’re gone all the time or home all the time. It’s not like having an 8 to 5 job where you get to see your man every night. Sometimes I love it and then sometimes I get very upset about it down.It’s.

Sometimes I love it and then sometimes I get very upset about it. And it’s so frustrating to have them not understand. It makes me feel bipolar that sometimes I answer the phone all happy-happy and other times I sound so sad.

Jen

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