Learning to Embrace Loneliness — And Finding Strength in Being Alone

[Megan Waldrep]

We’ve all heard this before: “Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.” Yet, what happens when you do?

Around mid-January this year, that lonely feeling creeped in, and it was surprising to me. I had never really felt this deep sense of loneliness and sadness before about our separation. (He, fishing in California, and I, living in North Carolina.)

Instead of reaching for substances to distract me and push the feelings down like I have in the past, I tried something new. I embraced it. I acknowledged it. I was curious. I let it be seen and heard. I took inventory of my life to question if it was true.

The funny thing was that, after about 5 to 10 minutes, I was okay again. It was as if that feeling just needed a little attention, and once I was able to feel and see it internally, I could move on. It was profound for me because, someone who has battled with depression, I didn’t wallow in it and get dragged to the depths of sadness. I have been there and it sucks and if you’re dealing with this or have in the past, you are not alone and you will get through it.

In the past, I feel a lot of my depression centered around substance abuse. Although I quit drinking alcohol 9.5 years ago, I’d still ingest THC, and that became my crutch. For me, it was just another way to avoid feelings I didn’t want to face. Some people don’t have that problem and that great for them. But I had to realize that it doesn’t work for me, as much as I’ve pretended for years that it did.

My advice for the lonely feeling: NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LONELY, try something new that won’t take much time at all but has the potential to truly make a difference in your life:

• *Embrace the feeling.*
• Acknowledge that the feeling is neither “good” nor “bad.”
• With curiosity, allow it space to move through you.
• Ask yourself why you feel this way. Were you triggered by the plot line of a movie or TV show? Because you haven’t heard from your partner for longer than you’d like? Are you sick or hungover? Is it a Sunday or a day when the blues tend to creep in? Sometimes we are triggered by outside experiences, and that’s ok. But it doesn’t have to define you.
• Then, take inventory of your life. Ask yourself? Is this the truth, or is this a passing emotion? When I was feeling lonely, I reminded myself of my loving family and friends. Once I realized that I was surrounded by love everywhere, it made me have compassion for the lonely feeling, knowing it was just that.  A feeling. A temporary feeling that will pass, like they all do.
• Do an activity that will support you. For me I practiced a 10-minute guided meditation on loneliness. (You can Google or YouTube them for any emotion you may be going through!) Not only was it nice to have mental support, it was comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes, and there are actual practices to help move people through it.
  • Maybe for you, it’s a call to a friend or family member, a snuggle with your kids or fur kids, a quick stretch outside, and some fresh air.
• Just know that the feeling is temporary, and you are not alone!

Here’s a podcast where I go deeper and even share ways that other people in our community overcome and take time for themselves. I’ve even included three solo date night ideas that you can try, whether your fisherman is away or at home, because we all need a little time to reset!

Listen on Apple – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/partners-of-commercial-fishermen/id1689251577?i=1000705486622

Listen on Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/episode/45b0yfh5Eyz2FJyaDdsvUr?si=fd700ef9a4254b92

As always, much Love and POCF Pride! – Megan

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