Author’s Note: I’m sharing this email from a fellow POCF so others understand the normality of feeling this way. Especially if you’re new to the industry. Just remember, you are not alone! We also have a podcast episode on this subject, too. Hope this blog and the podcast are helpful if you’re struggling, too.
Hey Megan,
I have been with my Fisherman for about 1 year and 3 months. Before fishing, we worked together at a cargo area for shipments going in and out of cargo airplanes, and we had the same schedule and hours; we really enjoyed each other’s time.
But one night, we were talking a few weeks before his birthday, and I allowed him to head out since he never really got a chance to say goodbye to fishing. Plus, he also wanted to try and get a house for the family, so he took his flight and it has already been a week without him.
I feel relieved whenever he gets in contact, but I still feel my missing peace is gone.
It really hurts, considering it’s my first time being apart from the person who has my heart. He claims that the boat is an all-male crew as well, but just yesterday, I heard a female’s voice through the sat phone. She sounded like she was having fun laughing with the boys.
He did mention that it was the nurse or something that’s an old lady, but she sounded a bit young. And I’ve read about women in the fishing industry. I’m sure you can imagine how my mind is and how much worrying I’ve been doing since then.
Am I wrong for feeling like this?
I trust him, and I love this man with all my heart, and I just want him home.
But my emotions are all wacky. And when his first trip is done, he plans on going back to end the season but surprises me with something as well thing is…I’m still hurting with him gone.
I feel like I’m empty and just walking around with a so-called smile on my face. I’m scared to see him leave again.
I’ve read your story and your interactions, and all I can say is I’m so lucky to come across your website. I appreciate what you do. Thank you for sharing. I’d probably be even more out of mind without your site.
Respectfully,
First-timer Fisherman’s Partner
Response:
Hi, FTFP!
Thank you so much for your kind email! I’m so glad that you found comfort in the blog. That makes my heart happy and is exactly why I started it in the first place. I’ve totally been in your shoes, worrying if Chris would meet another woman on a boat,
I understand how the mind can go all over the place. I definitely worried about that when we first started dating. Even more so when Chris got a female deckhand the first year he fished in CA – that was a mindf*ck for sure! (See Insta post below.)
But I got over it. I had to. I have to trust Chris just as he trusts me on land. As terrible as the thought, I realized there was nothing I could do to stop something like that from happening. I had to “let that shit go” because it made me feel like my smaller self while also dampening our relationship.
I actually sat and thought to myself, What if Chris DOES meet someone else? How would I feel? Of course, I would be devastated and heartbroken for a long time. But, eventually, I’d be ok. It wouldn’t kill me. And as much as I hope it won’t happen, I’d survive.
It turns out that I really liked his deckhand, and getting to know her taught me one of the most important lessons I’d learn as a POCF. Here’s a post I wrote about Emily and her experience.
So, I get it. But this is where the ultimate relationship test comes in – Trust. Is there a reason you think he is being unfaithful? Has it happened before? If not, then talk to your man about your feelings but don’t accuse him in any way if he’s not given you a reason to question. I
f you believe he’s genuinely there for you, then practice that TRUST factor. You’re going to need it in the long run. Eventually, these insecure feelings will dissolve away, and you’ll be in the strongest relationship you’ve ever hoped for.
Once you’ve had a loving conversation about it, let it go. That’s all you can do. I know it’s a cliché, but TRUST and communication are the ultimate foundations of any relationship, especially with a commercial fisherman.
I wish you peace in your heart. I know that long-distance makes everything harder, but you can get through this just as many POCFs have gone through it before.
You are not alone.
Talk to your man. Send your love. Then focus on you. Do the things that make you happy in that “secret single life” behavior we can only enjoy when our loved ones aren’t around. Taking the time to build yourself up is the best gift you can give yourself – a gift that will stick with you for a lifetime.
I hope this helps in some way. I’m sending you a big hug and wish you the best, most supportive chat with your fisherman when you can.
And if you are looking for more immediate support, I’d love for you to join us in our private online forum! There is a community of Partners of Commercial Fishermen who know exactly what you’re going through and are there to connect when needed! This is also the best way to reach me, too. Here’s a link if this feels aligned for you: Private Forum for Partners of Commercial Fishermen
We also have an incredible private text chat for a chance to connect with POCFs in real-time, and I can’t say enough how transformative it is to connect on such a unique lifestyle *instantly.* The belongingness and instant relief you feel when you can chat with others who “get you” is incomparable. Here’s a link to learn more: Private Group Chat just for POCFs
Thank you so much again for your sweet words. No matter what you’re feeling, please know that you are not alone! If you need us, we’re here with open arms. 🙂
With love & POCF pride,
Megan
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