Helpful Conversation Prompts To Solve Challenges with Your Fisherman

[Megan Waldrep]

In this Topic, I share

• Three common scenarios between partners of commercial fishermen and their fishermen.
• Conversation prompts to help you discuss challenges with your partner in healthy, productive ways.
• The one resource that will help you, no matter what phase of the season or relationship you are in.

Let’s Dive In!

Helpful Conversation Prompts To Discuss Challenges and How to Solve Them with Your Fisherman

Scenario 1:

You’re not hearing from your partner as often as you hoped when they’re gone.

Communication can be all over the place w/ your fisherman during a season. You may hear from them daily, not hear a thing until they dock the boat, or somewhere in between. And Fishermen may not understand how much those messages mean to us. Here’s some advice from Partners of Commercial Fishermen on how to tackle missed communication while you’re holding down the fort:

1. Take Charge.

HELPFUL EXAMPLE:

“Last season, I really worried because of our lack of communication. I know it can be hard to connect when you’re fishing, but can we talk through and set reasonable expectations for how often we can talk and the easiest ways to connect?”

BOTTOM LINE:

It is likely a lack of signal to contact you. A POCF recently told me that her fisherman’s satellite antenna fell off the boat, and they lost service – stuff happens! Just know that your fisherman wants to connect with you, too. However, their schedule, location, or communication device mishap might not allow it to happen as often as they’d or you’d like. Figure out a reasonable amount of convo touch points (possibly by a certain date) and how those touch points can/will occur (e.g., quick messages once a week by text, satellite communication, email, etc.)

Another way to tackle missed communication is…..

2. Flexibility.

HELPFUL EXAMPLE:

“Hey, Love! I know you’re busy aboard and might be unable to check in like normal. I’m thinking of you and love you so much. Drop a text when you can. 😘”

BOTTOM LINE:

“Flexibility” is the unofficial middle name of all POCFs, whether we like it or not. Flexibility is a powerful opportunity to lean into empathy and understanding. Trust that while it isn’t ideal to not hear from them, it’s not for lack of effort on both of your parts, and you’ll get back to the normal communication plan ASAP.

 

Scenario 2: 

Over the years, I’ve learned that communication is subjective to each relationship and each fishery, depending on their availability and phone or satellite signal. All in all, this lifestyle can stir up some BIG feelings that can sometimes be misdirected.

This scenario quickly leads to resentment if not addressed. Most of the time, we’re looking for two different outcomes:

1. Recognition.

For example, you could say, “I’m having a hard time this season. I’m trying to work through it, and I just want to be transparent if I seem off.”

HELPFUL EXAMPLE:

You need your partner to recognize this is hard and you’re not looking for them to solve the problem. Still, you want to be open in case the emotions you’re unpacking are impacting other areas of your life together + relationship.

2. You Need Help.

For example, you could say: “I had a tough time last season. Could we discuss ways to support each other while you’re away/during the season/during pre or post-season?”

HELPFUL EXAMPLE:

Sometimes, the best way for them to emotionally deal with your frustration is by feeling helpful. That could be helping you stock up on food, reviewing financial responsibilities with you, helping to meal prep for the kids before they leave the dock, or making an extra effort to send words of affirmation when they can.

BOTTOM LINE:

It can be surprising how simple acts of service or kind words can fend off resentment and strengthen your relationship in the long run.

Scenario 3: 

Feeling the weight of responsibilities from caring for the homefront while your partner is at sea? You’re not alone! Healthy communication takes practice, but it is the only way to thrive in a relationship. Here’s what we can do:

1. Acknowledge Your Needs

Sometimes, “overwhelm” shadows what’s really important. Ask yourself:

• What am I resentful about?
• Is there something lacking?
• What do I need more of?
• What feels unfair?

2. Communicate Your Needs *in a productive way*

Speaking to your partner out of frustration or when you’re pissed means it’s a good chance they won’t “hear” your needs and help you meet them. Believe me, I’ve been there! From therapy, I’ve learned to:

• Avoid blaming statements is crucial —remove the words “you,” “always,” and “never.”
• Choose a neutral time to talk instead of in the heat of the moment. Remember that you are a team, and your partner wants you to get what you need (because we all deserve it!).

Maybe you could use some support with household tasks from your partner when they are home. Figure out exactly what is feeling out of balance in the relationship and consider what you need to be different.

For example, do you need more time out of the house to socialize, exercise, or be alone without kids making noise? Take time to think about what you need right now to clear your head.

#1 Resource: This is also a great time to link w fellow POCFs in our private group chat!

It’s true; it sounds easier said than done. Asking for what you want can be uncomfortable, yet it’s the only way to create significant change. Healthy communication takes practice. What we go through is hard, but it has the potential to make our relationships that much deeper.

YOU GOT THIS!

(What hits home the most for you? Let’s discuss below!)

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