“So…You Don’t Want To Marry Me?” was first published in the Santa Barbara Sentinel as âReal Talk,â December 2016. (Also, I write under the pen name, Elizabeth Rose and my fiancĂŠÂ Chris is known as âJasonâ in the I Heart stories.)
So…You Don’t Want To Marry Me?
It took a drastic life change to see beyond my five-year plan, and it turns out, a canceled trip to Mexico can do that. So, with my calendar suddenly cleared, I had no choice but to face the question:Â
Do Jason and I have a future?Â
We pillow talked about what we wanted out of life, but it was time to figure out what I valued most. And I couldnât rely on my heart to guide me through this one. I had to use my head, too.Â
So, taking emotions out of it as best I could, I looked at our relationship like a business merger. I contemplated the nitty-gritty â marriage, home, work, kids â and determined what I needed and what I couldnât give up. And it turns out, the traditional girl inside of me couldnât give up marriage.Â
Then, a scary thought set in. Not only did I have to be ready for the answer, but I also had to walk away if we couldnât agree. This was the time to negotiate a future or shake hands and walk away.
It’s Tuesday evening, and Iâm scanning the car the radio as Jason drives along the windy roads toward his sisterâs house. Weâre about five minutes away from family dinner and at this random moment, I decided it was time to talk.Â
âBabe, I need to ask you something,â I said. âDo you see us⌠married?â
He paused too long before exhaling deeply.
âWell, I see us building a future together,â Jason said. âBut not marriage.â
A sharp pain pierced my insides and it was suddenly hard to swallow.
Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to shout. But instead, I nodded politely and let him finish.
âMy parents are divorced, both grandparents got divorced, and I was pressured into marriage once,â he said. âSo, I guess Iâm jaded.â
It was then reminded myself that this was âjust businessâ and it was time to be clear that, for me, marriage was a non-negotiable. And as much as I valued our partnership, I couldnât stay if it wasnât in our future.
âOkay, I understand, and Iâm sorry you feel that way,â I said, suddenly fearless. âBut I want to experience marriage one day. And if I went through life and never married, I would feel I missed out.âÂ
And it was in those moments before he spoke â which felt like infinity, by the way â a funny thing happened. I wasnât scared anymore. It turned out, the scary part wasnât his response; it was keeping my needs buried inside. Because no matter what he said next, I would be alright. The fact that I stood up for myself was what mattered most.Â
Silently we drove the rest of the way to his sisterâs house.
But before we got out of the car, he took my hands in his and looked into my eyes, and said, âElizabeth, I love you and I want you to be happy. So, if marriage is what you want, then I want to be married to you.â
Can you relate to this unperfect love story? If so, please tell us in the comments below! xo
Did you miss An Unperfect Love Story (Part 1)? Got it here!
Our first attempt to sail to Mexico didnât go as planned. Read More!