55-Year-Old POCF Shares Her Relationship Fears w A Fisherman
“Hi, I’m hoping you still read these. My fisherman is the love of my life!!! But it is still so hard!! We have been together for four years and, for the most part, good. He is a boat owner and fishes out of Alaska. I’ve learned a lot about fishing and crabbing, but there’s still a lot to learn.
The hardest part is the lack of communication! I’m 55 years old, a divorcee of 33 years to someone who did not communicate!!
Is this normal for fishermen?
It’s great when he’s home, but I get barely anything when he is out!!!”
Can You Hear Me Now
I am here! Thank you for reading and commenting! First of all, minimal communication is typical, so you’re not alone! I see how lack of communication can trigger you in this relationship, but communication is one of the most significant pain points for POCFs across the board.
Though some POCFs hear from their fishermen regularly, this number seems small. Communication during a fishing season depends on:
- The location of the fishery.
- If there’s a cell signal.
- If the boat has Wifi.
- If there’s a satellite phone onboard.
- If they have time after fishing hard, sleeping little, and shoveling food to sustain themselves for more of the same.
One time it took Chris almost two weeks to contact me. I was wiggin’ HARD about his safety, but at the same time, I had to learn to trust him in our relationship, his skills as a fisherman, and the *powers that be* to protect him and the boat. My mother-in-law has a great prayer when worrying gets out of control. I hope this helps you, too!:
“They are in the perfect place at the perfect time, surrounded by white light.”
Speaking on past triggers (which we all have), if you’re worried something’s wrong with your relationship, ask yourself if you created that story in your head because you didn’t hear from him. Was everything fine before he left? If so, move on. I say that because I’ve caught myself doing it and used this practice to get out of a hole.
If y’all left on a bad note, this is considered normal, too, because the stress of pre-season can seep into the relationship in weird ways. This happens to many POCFs and has happened to Chris and me before. Life gets weird sometimes!
Write down your feelings if you cannot call a truce before they leave or in your next text or phone call. Then, dig deeper to find the root of the matter. (I.e., Is it personal fear, past trauma, or insecurities? I did this, and it was pretty revealing.) Writing not only helps get those emotions out, but you can also use it as notes for a discussion when they return. Most importantly, writing out your feelings helps to move on, so you’re not pissed the whole season. (Trust me, I’ve been there!)
I hope this has been helpful. There are a ton of interviews with more POCFs in the menu “Partners of Commercial Fishermen,” and click the tab “Meet Other POCFs.”
Again, thank you for writing! I always love to hear from our community because this is our lifeline to connect with people who understand without judgment. I hope you have an enjoyable rest of the season, and please reach out with any questions. If I can’t answer them, I will find a POCF who can. I/we are here! 💙, Megan
What’s the longest you’ve been without communication? What tools do you use to communicate? Please share in the comments below!
If you liked this, you’d love Letter: When The Satellite Phone Calls Stop:
Feature photo by Gabrielle Henderson