Photo by NASA
Ed. Note: This is a satire that was written a day before Hurricane Dorian neared the coast. This is not to undermine the tragic loss of the Bahamas or any other person, place, or thing in Dorian’s path. I’m writing to bring a little humor to a terrifying situation. So, please, read this as the perspective of a thirty-seven year old woman who evacuated from Charleston, South Carolina, to her family in Wimington, North Carolina, to wait out a storm we had been threatened with for over a week. I just needed a release and hoped it might bring a laugh to those needing one, too. Now, for your reading enjoyment…
Rock You Like a Hurricane
I’ve decided to switch gears this week since Hurricane Dorian’s in mid-Florida right now. The stress of an oncoming hurricane is so nuanced, it reminds me of a sneeze that won’t come.
You know the kind.
The kind creeps up and lingers behind your eyes and chest. The kind that forces you to look towards a light, hoping the brightness will trigger a blow.
Now, picture that anxiety right before the release.
Then, dull it down a bit.
Next, imagine that feeling hovering over every thought and activity of the day.
That’s what a hurricane watch feels like.
Last year, I was in Wilmington, North Carolina (where I currently am) when Hurricane Florence neared. At three in the morning several days before impact, I evacuated my mom, sister, my one-year-old nephew, and our family’s Yorkie, Beamer, to the loving arms of friends in Macon, Georgia.
Since all doctors were on lock down, Dad had to stay behind at the hospital, which he’ll have to do again this year. I’m proud of my father that he’s on call, but also a little terrified that we can’t all be together during the storm.
What can you do?
This year, the storm will (hopefully) slow down when it nears the Carolinas.
It may be a category 1 or 2 by the time it reaches Wilmington, but we’re going to stick it out.
For those who have never experienced a Hurricane, here is an emotional breakdown of how you’ll feel after watching the national and local news for a week:
National News: THE STORM IS COMING AND YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Local News: (There’s a storm off the coast of Florida. It could come up here, but who knows. It could blow off.)
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR HOME, FAMILY, AND FRIENDS.
(I mean, you still have batteries from the last hurricane, right? Fill up your gas tanks and make sure you have plenty of water. You’re good.)
EVACUATE! EVACUATE! EVACUATE!
(…back to Ohio. We don’t need scared tourists freaking out when the rain hits so please, leave now.)
OH SHIT! IT’S CLOSER! BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!
(I mean, you could take your rocking chairs off the porch, but you may want to leave them to watch the storm blow through. Your call.)
WE’RE NOT SURE HOW PEOPLE WILL RECOVER FROM THIS.
Disney World just reopened.
Have you ever been in a hurricane? What was your experience like? Would love to know, please share in the comments below!