Part 2: Worries When Dating a Commercial Fisherman

commercial-lobster-fisherman

Last week, I posted an open letter from a Canadian reader named Lainna. With a few more email exchanges between us, she was kind enough to share the rest of her story.

Here’s a little where we left off to catch you up:

“This is the first time I’ve (been in a relationship like this), and I found myself a little heartbroken tonight when I found out he wouldn’t be back for Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving). In my tone of voice, I was pretty disappointed. I said I was frustrated and sad he wouldn’t make it. Then, the satellite phone cut out.”

Let’s read on to see how her story unfolds:

“It’s hard to justify my feelings…”

Hi Megan,

Honestly, it can get messy. You want to say many things (on the phone), but sometimes the shortest most direct things are the most effective and that’s what I told him.

He said, “I knew you supported my work. You told me. And I didn’t think you came off upset.” I can now see the crazy hole we can go into with this distance!   

Sometimes, it’s hard to justify my feelings of sadness and missing him when he’s got it way worse: Gross boat in gross conditions with gross boys. Haha…I just hope he can see my point of view without comparing his life.  

I like the writing my emotions down idea.  

It makes things easier – when I’m upset or feeling crazy – to read it back to validate my feelings. I’m not sure how he feels on the boat, but I do know that I have more time to go round-and-round in my mind.

Although he doesn’t have phone service, I do my best to send him What’sApp messages to read, once he’s back in service, to keep him posted on my day-to-day as if he was here.  

I have some good news!

Yesterday (Monday) he told me he is back this evening due to weather!! I’m playing a sick day tomorrow to spend all day with him. He is only back until approximately Friday when the boats are expected to be back on the water. He’s on a 4-month trip and will be out again until early January with the hope of seeing him maybe one more time before then.  

I’m anxious!  

It’s been almost 7 weeks since he left and we were only together on weekends for 4 weeks before that. I’m hoping things will go back to how they were and worried about backward momentum.

Any tips for seeing each other again after so long?

I’ll let you know how things go after the first day.   Cheers, Lainna  

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Lainna!

Yay! So so happy you and your man are reunited! I’m sorry I’m getting to this after the fact. I’m sure you did everything right to make the reunion a special one – just being you is all you need! 🙂  

Sometimes, it feels a little different when you first see each other and it will/may feel different because both of you are different now.

Your connection has grown since first you met.

You’re more invested than before, which means feeling excited and a little apprehensive is VERY NORMAL.

I’m sure you don’t need advice now that he’s in your arms. Simply being present and being yourself is why he’s there in the first place.  

Keep me posted!   – Megan  

A few months go by and…

Hey Lainna,  

I hope you’re having a great holiday season! Just wanted to check in to see how everything’s going with you and your fisherman. I bet you are super relieved that his season will be over soon. So happy you two will be together again in the new year!  

Also, I created a private Facebook group for PCFs and would love to have you join if you’re interested! Partners of Commercial Fishermen

Sending a big hug to you from Charleston, South Carolina. I’m here visiting family but will fly back to California (and the commercial lobster fishing life) in a few days. And the wheel goes round and round… 

Hope you are well!   Megan  

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Hi Megan,  

Thanks for checking in and thank you, I hope you did as well!  

To be blunt, things have ended between us.

When I saw your first e-mail, it filled me with hope.  

We actually had a great meeting when I saw him! Things were good (as good as they can be at the start of a long-distance relationship with a fisherman, but he had decided that he didn’t want to look at me through a phone anymore.

In the next 6 months, starting in January, he will be in school 3 hours away. Then, he’s back fishing.  He didn’t think he could do it, so here we are.  

I learned a lot from this relationship, albeit short.  

Communication and trust are two things I really started to understand on another level.  

I wish in my heart that it could’ve continued, but I can’t make him do what he doesn’t want to do. Stubborn fishermen…

Anyways, I wanted to let you know even though this didn’t work out, I found you blog to be extremely helpful and know that it will be for other couples.

I also know that dating a fisherman or someone in the industry is not completely out of the question.  

I wish you all the best with your travels, and your love and your work. You are an inspiring, beautiful and strong woman. Keep going.   Cheers, -Lainna

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Hey Lainna,  

Happy New Year! So great to hear from you. And you know what…his loss, seriously.

Although it hurts right now, it’s nice to know his shortcomings sooner than later. You’ve gotten great takeaways, I see.  Good. For. You.  

Your next relationship (and you in that relationship) will benefit greatly from it.   

Also – I have to say this and I’m glad you’re already open to it – if another fisherman comes around, don’t completely write him off. Though this one couldn’t handle it, it doesn’t mean another man can’t.

Obviously, I’m biased.

You’re a strong-ass woman that any man or fisherman would be lucky as hell to have as a partner. I appreciate you letting me share your story! Here is a link to our first email exchange  Thank you in advance for letting me share more. 🙂  

Have a wonderful rest of the week and weekend. It’s been so nice getting to know a little piece of you. Please stay in touch and I wish you health and happiness for all the days to come!   :),   Megan

Are you a partner of a commercial fisherman? Sign up for the private Facebook group created just for women like us! Just click on the image or link below, answer a few get-to-know-you questions, and join in. We’d love to have you!

PARTNERS-COMMERCIAL-FISHERMEN

JOIN THE PRIVATE GROUP, PARTNERS OF COMMERCIAL FISHERMEN HERE!

In case you missed it…

PART 1: WORRIES WHEN DATING A COMMERCIAL FISHERMAN

HOW-TO LONG-DISTANCE DATE A COMMERCIAL FISHERMAN

GIFTS FOR COMMERCIAL FISHERMEN

DATING A COMMERCIAL FISHERMAN: Q&A W/ PHOTOGRAPHER BRI DWYER

SEX & DATING A COMMERCIAL FISHERMAN

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