How-To Long-Distance Date a Commercial Fisherman
My fiancé Chris and I have done the commercial-fishing-long-distance-dating-thing for three summers now, and one of the best parts has been connecting with women since publishing 9 Things You Should Know When Dating A Fisherman a year ago. Emails range from the experienced to the novice: married women who have families with commercial fishermen to women who just recently began dating one. At first, I was wary to express my true feelings on the subject – like how being with a commercial fisherman isn’t easy at times – but I was relieved to learn of other women who are – I’m gonna do it – in the same boat.
Here are a few responses about this blog I’ve received from women who have been married to a commercial fisherman for over 30 years. Goes to show that no matter how long you’ve been in the game, we can relate:
“I really enjoyed reading it and can SO relate to so much you’ve mentioned! Having a relationship with a Commercial Fisherman takes a very special type of woman.”
“I enjoyed (your article) very much. Would love to get together and share some stories if you want to add a sequel. 😊”
“…the experience with this fishing family thing – it’s a grand adventure.”
This is from a woman who has been dating a commercial fisherman for just a few years:
“I love this Megan. This hits home for sure; I laughed, I cried, I sighed, I swooned ;)”
Reading their emails are like talking to a friend. I don’t have friends that actually date commercial fishermen, which is why I started this blog in the first place, so the emails have been a treat! My response to the last one, sent by Aubrey, has turned into this post. (Thanks, Aubrey!) Let’s dive in…
Random message, but I have to share: I found your account after googling “Dating An Alaskan Fisherman” & reading your piece from your site because my boyfriend left for Bristol YESTERDAY, and this is the first year I’m actually dating him. (We only had a couple of dates before he left last summer, and my goodness, what a whirlwind of a year it’s been since he got back!)
Any advice for this first summer without him? Now that I’m all mushy-gushy about him, I can’t believe I have to wait for him to steal his Skipper’s satellite phone to text me at 2 a.m. on some random night over the next few weeks! 😂 I have quite a few friends I’ve made through him here (including other ladies dating Alaskan fishermen), but sometimes, it’s just nice to have a stranger’s honest advice 🤷♀️, Aubrey!
I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!
I’ve thought of your question and have pressured myself to make sure I give you the *best* and most *perfect* advice.
Then, I realized nothing’s perfect.
So, I’m going to talk to you like I would my sister.
Here are some emotions that arise and how I work my way through them. I hope this helps!
How-To Long-Distance Date a Commercial Fisherman
1. You’ll miss him very much, and that goes without saying. But, to harness that energy, my best advice is to embrace a new life without him.
I mean this in the best way possible.
Think of it as being single without dating.
You now have the freedom to go to yoga, hike, hit up happy hour or juice bar, or eat cereal for dinner without the need to check in to see if he’s down for it, too.
(I should reiterate that everything I mention, I mention with lots of love. But, a girl’s gotta do what a girls gotta do! Like watching marathons of Sex and the City [or insert favorite indulgence here]. You know what I mean.)
And by year three, you will still miss him, but it will kinda feel like you are on vacation.
Kind of like, your own summer camp.
2. Phone calls may be short and static-y and, as you said, come in at 2 a.m.
Yeah, it totally blows. Especially since you may feel the need to be on night watch each time a phone call may come in.
But, if you fall asleep, it’s cool. At least you’ll know by a missed phone call that he’s alive wherever the hell he is.
Because isn’t that the true worry anyway? Or is it just me?
3. Some of your phone conversations may feel like this scene in Dumb and Dumber:
There are many times when I’m like, “Hey! How are you? How’s the fishing? How are you mentally, emotionally, and physically? Ok, so happy to hear…….(award silence)…… Welp, see ya later!”
There’s no way about it – you are living on two different planets right now, and it can be hard to connect. But, I’ve found talking about the most mundane things of my day seems to be music to his ears. Anything that takes their minds away from the fishing grind is a welcome treat.
4. On that note, leave long, rambling messages about your day on his voicemail.
It will be a gift to hear your voice when he gets a signal. Plus, it will make you feel better that you’ve made him a part of your day.
5. Don’t listen to anyone who says fishing is dangerous – because we already know it’s true, even when our fisherman assures us it’s not.
I mentioned this before, but it still works for me: Pray for a bubble of white light to surround him and trust that. Also, you can read Prayers for Commercial Fishermen here!
6. Prepare to drop some dough at the grocery store for a care package.
Go to the USPS, grab a flat-rate box, and just shove as many energy bars, jerky (or whatever treats your Love, loves!), then tape it up and drop that bitch off. (I have great care package ideas here!)
The large-size flat-rate box is $19.95 and should get there within a week (depending on where he’s fishing and when/where you are sending it).
I just sent one Monday from Wilmington, North Carolina, and it will be in Naknek, Alaska, by Thursday of the same week. I know. Crazy fast, considering the distance.
Side note: For the first package I sent this year, I asked Chris if Fed Ex or UPS would get my (mom’s) homemade cookies to him faster, and he said USPS is the only service that delivers to these remote locations. I’m not sure if this is true, but with four-day delivery from the East Coast to Alaska, I say USPS is the best way to go.
7. I’m gonna go here: You will be horny, and it will suck, and you will wonder if your man knows how much you are sacrificing by dating him.
You may want him to feel bad about it. You may even mention something. (Yes, I did all these things. And I’m not sure if it was a good or bad idea. Maybe an immature idea?)
But, seriously, you’ll be like, WTF.
And that’s when all the hot guys you’ve never seen in town before start popping up out of nowhere. I mean, it’s summer, for God’s sake. Can it be any more torturous?!?!?! But I digress….
Sister friend, find a little vibrator from one of the several shops in town. This is the perfect time to explore that sexual side of yourself so that when your fisherman returns, you will have a more exciting reunion and can show him what to do.
8. Also, you are allowed to innocently flirt with cute guys.
A smile from across the room never hurt anyone. You are still young, not married, and good-looking.
It’s ok that others notice, too 🙂
9. Make new friends! Kind of like asking out a dude, but a girl.
Even if it’s for coffee once, it’s nice to get out of the bubble of friends you and your man share.
This also means more opportunities to talk about something other than fishing. #winning
10. Think about what kind of life you want for yourself. Because, in the end, it’s all about your happiness.
Yeah, these long stretches of not seeing each other are hard, but is it holding you back from what you want in a life partner?
For me, being with a commercial fisherman is great. I thrive in long-distance relationships (which may tell you a lot. I’m just not sure what). I like the independence. It’s a nice balance. It seems to make the relationship more nurtured, in a way. A chance for you both to grow as individuals – separately, not apart because there’s a difference.
During this time apart, you’ll both have fulfilled personal needs, making you all the more ready to show up for your relationship and bring your A-game.
Do you date a commercial fisherman, and can you relate? What is it like for you? Please share in the comments below!
If you liked this, you’d love Sex & Dating a Commercial Fisherman.
Catch up on the Diary series! Diary of a Partner of a Commercial Fisherman.