Letter: Aussie Needs Advice on Long-Distance Dating a Fisherman
Hi Megan, I was so relieved to come across your website and read your story and tips for staying sane while my long-distance partner is working out at sea.
We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for nearly a year now. I’m in Australia; he’s in America. It’s already difficult that we’re divided by an ocean, and now by him working as a commercial fisherman. At the beginning of our relationship, he mentioned that he likes to do this, and I was afraid that our connection may fade with the distance, so he didn’t go last year. Well…we broke up a couple of times, and he decided that he was going during our time apart. The last time he went to Alaska there wasn’t much in terms of Wifi connection, but he told me things have changed since and he should be able to work out a way to stay in touch.
He arrived in Anchorage on Tuesday, and it’s been days now with no contact on his part.
I’ve tried reaching him on his cell phone and WhatsApp with no luck. He did get my postal details, so I’m anxiously waiting to hear he’s alive at the very least. I’m starting to realize that he also may not be able to contact me the entire trip. I’ve wondered, isn’t there free Wifi at a cafe or something where he can at least let me know he’s alive!? But perhaps he went straight out to fish very soon after arrival and hasn’t yet returned.
Thank you so much for creating this website and encouraging us women in these situations to reach out and connect. I’d love to know a bit more about how to do this, and anything you may think of that could help ease some anxiety in my situation. I’ve just subscribed and look forward to receiving information about care packages.
Thanks in advance for reading my email, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind Regards, Fisherman Partner Down Under
Sent from my iPhone
I am so glad you reached out, and welcome to the club! It’s a peculiar one, as you’ve already realized. And no matter what you’re feeling, know that many others have felt the same as you!
To get right to it, there’s a 99.9% chance he cannot contact you right now. From what I understand of fisheries in Alaska (and in general), there is no free time to go to a cafe for coffee and a WiFi connection, let alone get a full night’s sleep. Alaska fishermen work around the clock, shove food in their mouths when they get a break, and sleep when they can. Honestly, I’m not sure how many showers they can take either. Hello, baby wipes!
I know it’s hard not to hear from him. Especially with shows like Deadliest Catch making an already dangerous job more dramatic. But from the partners of commercial fishermen that I’ve spoken with, the best and only thing we can do is to pray for a white light of protection to surround our fishers and trust that.
Here are a few posts about Long-Dating a Commercial Fisherman that may be helpful to you:
Prayers for Commercial Fisherman
Tips for Communicating with a Commercial Fisherman
8 Feelings You’ll Have When Your Fisherman is Away
Letter: “Advice for the First Season Apart?”
How-To Long-Distance Date a Commercial Fisherman
I also thought since this is your boyfriend’s first time (or first few times), I’m sure making a good impression on the captain and crew is a top priority. If this job works out, he has the potential to make a good chunk of money in a short amount of time – money to travel to see you!
I always say, use the time apart to discover what YOU want out of life and a relationship. I know this doesn’t seem easy now, but this time is an excellent foundation to analyzing your needs and wants, and if this man can provide that to you. It seems you’ve already had some difficult conversations but could see the other side and get back together. That’s great. Sometimes couples need time apart to realize what’s important. Chris and I did back in the day.
I hope this helps, and I hope you hear from your fisherman soon! If you plan to reconnect this summer, I wish you the most special reunion yet. Please keep me posted: firstname.lastname@example.org! 🐟
What advice would you give our friend, FPDU? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
If you liked this, you’d love 6 Tips for Reconnecting with Your Fisherman Because Sometimes It’s Weird.